How to Provide “Socialization”

Too funnies recently came my way along the same vein: the merit of public school socialization should be re-considered. These are light-hearted sillies, not a serious look at socialization (I'll provide this for you in other posts).

The first, from the Kolbe Little Home Journal, Fall 2005:


"When my wife and I mention we are strongly considering homeschooling our children, we are without fail asked, 'But what about socialization?' Fortunately, we found a way our kids can receive the same socialization that government schools provide.

"On Mondays and Wednesdays, I will personally corner my son in the bathroom, give him a wedgie and take his lunch money. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my wife will make sure to tease our children for not being in the 'in' crowd, taking special care to poke fun at any physical abnormalities. Fridays will be 'Fad and Peer Pressure Day.' We will all compete to see who has the coolest toys, the most expensive clothes, and the loudest, fastest, and most dangerous car."

"Every day, my wife and I will adhere to a routine of cursing and swearing in the hall and mentioning our weekend exploits with alcohol and immorality. And we have asked (our kids) to report us to the authorities in the event we mention faith, religion, or try to bring up morals and values."

And this one I picked up from homeschooling dad Chris O'Donnell (not the movie star!). The Reluctant Atheist wrote a post asking for advice on whether or not she should homeschool her children. One reader, Moosejamal, left a comment begging Relectant Atheist not to mess up her kids socially by homeschooling them, saying the children would miss out on much socialization. O'Donnell left this reply:

Why should I homeschool my kids? Moosejamal is right. If you homeschool your kids they will miss out on getting bullied on the playground, and shaken down for their lunch money. You'll be depriving them of the opportunity to sit in a sterile, institutional building all day in the care of government employees who really don't have any emotional investment in their well being. They will be missing out on the watered down, overly politicized curriculum in 8 year old textbooks that were chosen because that is the publisher that provided the best kickbacks to the school board textbook committee. They will be missing out on the wonderful opportunity to learn how important it is to speak only when spoken to, how to stand in a line quietly, how to hold it all day long because they are afraid to go into the bathrooms, and how to look interested in class when they are bored out of their minds.

Fellow homeschoolers, we aren't missing out on too much. Almost everything socially worthwhile one could obtain from school can be obtained outside of school without too much trouble. Here's to socializing our kids, socializing them with real people and preparing them for the real world!

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