A Reversal of Heart

 reversalofhearttwo

Last month’s issue of TEACH Magazine arrived on the perfect day — I was second-guessing my husband’s upcoming vasectomy-reversal.

The issue’s main article was entitled, “I Wish We’d Had More!” The author, a mother of about 6, if I remember correctly, mentioned that the Number One thing she heard from folks when she was out and about with her children (after “Are they all YOURS?”) was, “Oh, I wish we’d had more.” — spoken with a wistful sigh.

The fact of the matter is, I don’t think any of us will look back and think we had one too many children, will we? But I wonder how many of us will wistfully look back and say, “I wish we’d had more.”

I had been thinking it was too late for us. Hubby had a vasectomy three years ago, with our age-old plan of adopting in the near-future. When my hubby said he didn’t think he could go through with adoption at this time (I do still hope God allows this for us someday), I thought we were “done.” Funny how when you are sure something is impossible, you have the freedom to re-think your paradigm. Suddenly Hubby and I were looking into the lives of other families who “trusted the Lord for their birth control,” and what we saw made sense. We were actually missing the fact that baby-making was no longer a mysterious part — even if its something we were trying often to avoid — of love-making. We wondered why we thought it was okay to permanently dismantle the fertility we had been given — how had we missed the beauty of this gift and given it away in a few snips (and just so we could enjoy the marriage bed with no strings attached — no new blessings for us, please). The benefits of large families suddenly began to appeal to us. It was too late for us to put these ideas into practice — too bad we’d already had that vasectomy done!

No serious thought was given to a vasectomy-reversal (do you know how much they cost??), until I stumbled onto the site of a surgeon in Texas who does ’em as a MINISTRY, at a much cheaper rate than most. We prayed and sought the Lord, and after an Christian Entrepreneurial Conference, Hubby came home saying, “Let’s do it!” His big worry had been spending the money, and God reminded him at this conference that money is just not a big deal, nothing to hold on to so tightly! (Sound like a good conference? You should come with us next year!)

The very day that I was to call for the reversal appointment, hubby’s work offered to send him on a business trip to Texas — meaning a free flight to the very Texas airport WHERE the reversal was to take place during the very week WHEN the reversal was to take place!

Fast-forward to a week before the reversal, where I was freaking out again. And not just for the worry of hubby’s surgery and the worry of spending the money, but for my own selfish reasons. If we had another child “the natural way,” there would be “too much space” between our now youngest and the next. I’d struggle even more with weight gain/weight loss. I might feel sick and tired. I wouldn’t be able to drink diet soda. I’d have to go through the whole “no sleep” thing again, not to mention grinding up baby food, changing diapers, and potty training. I’d have to do that whole labor and delivery thing again — eek!! My parents and friends would think we were crazy.

The article in TEACH magazine reminded me that the chance to participate in the creation of another human being is worth all of that, and then some. It laid out the many blessings one could receive by having another child, and I felt encouraged!

If its up for debate for you, check out all the scripture verses on children being blessings (Are there any other blessings we ask God to hold back on?), consider the impact we could have on our culture with a little exponential discipleship (some time I’ll write a post workin’ the numbers for ya), and have a look at these articles:

10 compelling reasons to have another child

Why Do You Have So Many Children?

For us, we don’t know what the future holds. Statistics show only a 50% chance of pregnancy after vasectomy reversal. For the first time in our marriage, we are content to breathe-easy and wait and see what happens. May the Lord’s will be done!

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4 thoughts on “A Reversal of Heart

  1. I like your blog! I’m a homeschool graduate and the oldest in a large (7 kids) family so I agree with your thoughts on children and homeschooling a lot. I now have 2 small children and plan to start homeschooling as soon as my oldest is old enough. Actually, there’s already times when we “do school” and he’s not even 2 yet.

    Just wanted to say I stopped by your blog while blog surfing and was glad to finally find a blog worth reading! You have great words. Keep it up.

    ~Court–>

  2. I am so glad I stumbled across this blog….I have never commented on one so I’m new at this. I just don’t have anyone to turn to that understands this problem.
    My husband had a vasectomy 9 months ago…we have no children. Neither of us had really ever wanted children, we have friends with kids and we see the daily struggles….neither of us had ever been bitten by the “baby bug”. We decided to have the vasectomy for several reasons…1) financially, children are draining 2) after witnessing a couple we are close to conceive even though they were taking precautions we didnt want any “surprises” 3) we had never had the desire to have children of our own.
    Well….here we are 9 months later and I am so conflicted—I am living with so much regret! Is it that we have made a mistake or that Im wanting what I cant have?!? I am seeing pregnancies all around me and for the first time in my adult life I’m wishing it was me! When I see my husband playing with our friends’ children I just want to cry…I feel like he would have been a fantastic father and It gives me panic attacks to think that he won’t get the chance.
    I cannot talk to my husband about this ( I do not want him to feel like he isnt able to give me what I want, or feel this burden of mistake or feel like he is inadequet in some way bc of our choice) I knew that day when we went for the procedure that I should have stood up and said “Wait!!!!!” But after so much planning and waiting I just went with the flow. My gut is still kicking me for that! I just don’t know what to do…..
    Any advice would be much appreciated!
    Thank you

  3. I’m so sorry, Blissfully Connected, that I just now saw your blog comment! How are things going? Did your husband end up getting a reversal?
    My husband ended up with a reversal. It didn’t work for 4+ years. We adopted a 7 year old boy, and ended up becoming pregnant with our first girl on his adoption day. A couple years later, we were pregnant again with our 2nd reversal baby – another boy!
    I hope you came to a place of peace, either by accepting your vasectomy as the way things are to be, or by having it reversed. Permanent decisions are heavy duty!

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